Summerfest Day 3: KISS

If there is any band that can pull off being pretentious without pretense, it's KISS.

The self-proclaimed "Hottest Band in the World" comes to Summerfest on Saturday night, making it the first Marcus Amphitheater headliner that requires a battalion of firefighters on hand in case the venue literally goes up in flames.

The beauty of KISS is that they know exactly who they are and why they are there. It's not "about the music." There are no political statements, no teen angst or brooding, no self-absorbed posing. They are there to make your ears bleed and singe your eyebrows. They are there to spit blood, breathe fire, smash guitars and deliver the classic, overindulgent 10-minute drum solo that hasn't changed in 35 years.

It's 1970's glam rock at it's finest, delivering a set list with two primary themes -- partying all night long, and infinite amounts of sex - often times with prostitutes ("Strutter," "Black Diamond," "She"), and one love song, "Beth." A lovely ballad about leaving your wife at home while you stay out all night writing songs about staying out all night and having infinite amounts of sex -- often with prostitutes.

Are they cheesy? Absolutely. Do they take themselves seriously? Absolutely not. Bass player Gene Simmons sums it up perfectly. "I wanted to be in a band that gave bang for the buck. I wanted to be in the band who didn't look like a bunch of guys who, you know, should be in a library studying for their finals. When you really think about it, I'm not delusional enough to think that what I do is important to life as we know it on this planet. No. But neither is what you do."

Over the span of 40 years, KISS has evolved from a bar band to an arena band to a stadium act and now to a cottage industry with a GNP that exceeds that of many small countries. In one evening, KISS will sell enough merch to put more than a few kids through Marquette University. T-shirts, action figures, jackets, guitar picks, lava lamps, lithographs and, yes, even the occasional KISS casket.

KISS is a bucket-list concert. You can't "not go" to this show. If your concert-going days end without KISS on your list, you will have rocked in vain.

In "Manana," Jimmy Buffet writes "Don't try to describe a KISS concert if you haven't seen one," and he couldn't be more right. You have to go, if only to see the invasion of the KISS Army in all its bountiful glory. Fathers and sons fully painted; scraggly thin dudes in their original 1976 Destroyer Tour T-shirts; and hot 20-somethings showin' 'em to a shirtless, hairy-chested man who is rapidly approaching age 60. It doesn't get any better.

Now, let's see George Strait do that.

OnMilwaukee.com staff picks for Saturday:

There's not much at the Big Gig that interests me today, but I'll consider Barenaked Ladies on the Briggs & Stratton Stage at 10 p.m. I'm not a huge enthusiast of this band, but some of their tunes -- like, of course, "If I Had A Million Dollars" -- are anthemic enough to serve as a background soundtrack for beer drinking and people watching. --Molly Snyder Edler

For me, the evening will begin at the Cascio Interstate Music Groove Garage (Am I the only one who hates saying "Groove Garage" out loud?) at 6:30 p.m. for Madison's Sleeping in the Aviary. I'll stick around for Milwaukee's smoothest indie band, Fable and the World Flat at 8: 30 p.m., and probably round out the night with Chicago's Death Ships, who play at 9: 30 p.m. --Julie Lawrence

Friend of OnMilwaukee.com Kevin Brandt took me to a KISS show at the Amphitheater a couple years ago. Although the spectacle appealed to my inner sixth-grader, I don't think I need to see it again. I've seen plenty of Barenaked Ladies, BoDeans and Cowboy Mouth, too, but they're all great bands to see while drinking cold beer on a warm night. I can stroll to all three venues and run into somebody in the crowd that I haven't seen in awhile. --Drew Olson

Local music rules tonight with The Good Luck Joes opening for the BoDeans at the Roadhouse. I might try to see a few tunes from the talented and darn good-looking Sara Evans. She plays at the Miller Lite Oasis at 10 p.m. --Jeff Sherman

I'd be curious to hear the Milwaukee ex-pats in Some Hear Explosions make their Brew City debut at 3 on the U.S. Cell. Otherwise, this is a tough one. --Bobby Tanzilo

I've already promised my old friend, Bay Dariz, that I'll be there for the 3 p.m. Some Hear Explosions show at the U.S. Cellular Stage. Bay is a former Milwaukeean (GFuzz and Mercy Kiss) who moved to L.A. to live the rock and roll lifestyle. I'm happy to welcome him back. --Andy Tarnoff

The full Summerfest lineup for Saturday:

Marcus Amphitheater: Kiss with Chevelle, 7:30 p.m.

Miller Lite Oasis: Miller Rhythm & Brews Revue, noon; Left On Sunset, 2:30 p.m.; Bobby Friss, 5:30 p.m.; Chasin' Mason, 8 p.m.; Sara Evans, 10 p.m.
Harley-Davidson Roadhouse with Miller Genuine Draft: Mark Little Band, noon; Jessi Lynn Band, 2 p.m.; 20 Reasons Taken, 4 p.m.; Krista Marie, 6:30 p.m.; The Good Luck Joes, 8:30 p.m.; BoDeans, 10 p.m.

U.S. Cellular Connection Stage with Leinenkugel's and FM 102/1: Seth Bradley, 12:30 p.m.; Some Hear Explosions, 3 p.m.; American Fang, 4:15 p.m.; Heavy Young Heathens, 5:30 p.m.; The Binges, 6:45 p.m.; Our Lady Peace, 10 p.m.
M&I Classic Rock Stage with Fiduciary Management, Miller Lite, 97.3 The Brew & My 95.7: Walleye Weekend Battle of the Bands Winner, noon; Back Alley Band, 3 p.m.; Daryl Stuermer, 5:30 p.m.; Barbeez, 7:30 p.m.; Think Floyd, 10 p.m.

Briggs & Stratton Big Backyard Featuring The Rock 'N Roll Hall Of Fame With Miller High Life: Junkmale, noon; Mark Shurilla & His Greatest Hits, 2 p.m.; Felix Cavaliere, 4 p.m.; The Briggs Bluesbusters, 6:30 p.m.; Barenaked Ladies, 10 p.m.

Potawatomi Bingo Casino Rock Stage with Miller Lite and 94.1 WJJO and 95 WIIL ROCK: Bob Mittnacht and the Crowning Glories, 1 p.m.; Fuzee, 3 p.m.; Litmus Vinyl, 5 p.m.; The Effects, 6:30 p.m.; Taddy Porter, 8 p.m.; Saving Abel, 10 p.m.

Mid-Gate Stage at the Potawatomi Bingo Casino Pavilion with Miller High Life and 88Nine RadioMilwaukee: The Bloodstones Band, noon; Twang Dragons, 2:30 p.m.; Alex Wilson, 5 p.m.; Paul Cebar & The Sound of Tomorrow, 7:30 p.m.; Cowboy Mouth, 10 p.m.

JoJo's Martini Lounge with Miller Lite: Pre-Recorded Music, noon; Marcel, 4 p.m.; Rhythm Kings, 8 p.m.

Cascio Interstate Music Groove Garage with WMSE and the Shepherd Express: Looming Larger, 1:30 p.m.; The Young and Madlys, 2:30 p.m.; Scarlet Escape, 3:30 p.m.; Canyonsofstatic, 4:30 p.m.; Burbank Cartel, 5:30 p.m.; Sleeping in the Aviary, 6:30 p.m.; Revision Text, 7:30 p.m.; Fable and the World Flat, 8:30 p.m.; Death Ships, 9:30 p.m.

Sentry SportsZone With Newsradio 620 WTMJ: United States Tennis Association, noon; Milwaukee Admirals Hockey, 4 p.m.; Academy of Dance Arts Performing Group, 5 p.m.; Milwaukee Bucks Rimrockers, 6 p.m.; McMenamin Irish Dance Academy, 7 p.m.; Division BMX Stunt Team, 8 p.m.

Children's Hospital of Wisconsin and Northwestern Mutual Children's Theater & Playzone: Jonnie and Brookie: Teen Pop Singers, 12:15 p.m.; Kenny Ahern: To Laugh is to Live!, 1:15 p.m.; Silver Spring Neighborhood Center Rhythm Section, 2:15 p.m.; Fox and Branch: Family Folk Music, 3:15 p.m.; Discovery World: Kitchen of Chemistry, 4 p.m.; Jonnie and Brookie: Teen Pop Singers, 4:45 p.m.; Elation Dance Theatre, 5:45 p.m.; Wayne & WingNut - "Crazy Puppets", David Seebach's Wonders of Magic, 7:30 p.m.